Last nite, out of sudden. I log on my YM and saw her id blink on my instant messaging dashboard. I just click on it and started to PING to get response & she PING me back. After a long time, we start the chat and talking about our past and future including her new relationship. She told me that she's in a dillema as her new bf mean for a suprise for her upcoming 21st birthday, he want to give a visit. At the same time, she got an occasion to undergo and it's quiet important. You know what, they are fighting.
After that, we talk about more personnel matter. Heart to heart feeling. I figured out, that she still have feelings for me even though she dump me at the first place. Then, i started to investigate the status of me in her heart and I compared about me and the other boyfriends she have, and truely i'm no special anymore. But, i felt more confuse to know that she just got jealous when i want to date another girl. Since i can't expect anything from her, how can she make me suffer like this? It's not fair at all just to know she declared a new bf after we broke up and I stayed single until now.
Our conversation continue on the phone after that. I do missed her pampered voice, the way she talk just resemble someone I really love, long time ago. The things that I really can't afford is my feelings on that moment. I feel like just dont want to let her go, just felt like to drag her back into my empty life, whether i know those is kind of impossible. To track back my memories, I just remembered she told me that, he and she just can't be apart. An affirmation that she never do aginst me. Therefore, my heart keep on telling me to give up, so do my best friends. It's truely hard, but a man like me has nothing to loose. Maybe to let one go, is to have another better girl in my life. Who knows.
I want to promise to myself, that i wont ruin her relationship either to plunder her self by winning her heart again. For me, time that past, just let it be. It's time to begin a new chapter of my love story and all i have to do is to pray for her blissful life with him, her chosen one.
Just now, i performed a show infront of Iqra Club member as a guest nasyid group. After a week of training, the 5 of us (last post i did highlighted 4 instead of 5; correction) enter the hall and stand on the stage, widely staring to the audience with a fake smile (panic; off course :P) until the minus one played. Alhamdulillah, i did sang the 1st song very well (called Bersatu) but the next one so worse, afterall the song is very fimiliar to me or even anybody (Doa Perpisahan originally by Brothers). I have nothing much to blame, but maybe the condition of the sound system which is not welly prepared that makes my hearing to it been so messy. After all, the voice and the song came from the same amp. Therefore, the song, the tempo and beat mixed confusingly. Even the organizer pleaded and apologized for failing to accommodate us decently. What ever it is, it's my fault as i can't distinguish between the verse and the bridge, once to happen, i sang alone while everyone just stopped after a verse, what a humiliating... hehe It's a very good move for a start, i just need to experience more to become mutured on performing art, that's all. The evaluation score for the show is 3/10 as given by the manager. 
